I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
