After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
