He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
