just tell him i said nine months
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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