when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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