You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
