4 words: hood of his car
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
