Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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