Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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