Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
