I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
