it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
