listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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