i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
