i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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