I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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