Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
