i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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