If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Randomize
