You made me cry and you don't even care
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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