is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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