you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
