Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
