I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
