I heard we made out
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
