you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
