I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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