the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
