thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
