we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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