He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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