will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
