I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
