Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You did what with his pubic hair?
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