I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
