this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Brb crying the tears of my youth
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
