Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
