You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
