I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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