guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
