i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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