She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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