I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
