I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
