My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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