guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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