I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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