People in love make me want to vomit
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
