You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
