just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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