whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
