The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
