her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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