I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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